Who, I wondered, first thought that it would be a good idea to begin advertising on consumer’s butts? This thought had been prompted by the sight of a young woman walking along a sidewalk - which bordered a major thoroughfare - wearing very distracting black sweatpants with bright red lettering across her rear. In order to read the letters – which said "echo red"- I was forced to take my eyes off of the road for a length of time that could hardly be considered safe. This traffic hazard brought a memory of the previous week to mind, during which I had spent nearly an entire morning office commute practically on top of the semi in front of me, attempting to decipher the obscure lettering that ran down the back of the trailer. (In my defense, most of that time we were not moving quickly at all due to the endless miles of summer construction.)
In my opinion, if one owns a meat stock business, one should not use "Old English Lettering" as the font of choice. It is absolutely absurd. The obvious choice for a meat-industry business of any kind is either something with a "western" feel to it or something morbid. "Old English" is difficult to read under the best of conditions. The best of conditions involve paper, which can be held very close to your face, or an electronic file, with which you can highlight the entire text and convert it to a more readable font. The back of a semi trailer is no place AT ALL for the "Old English" style. I would definitely write a letter stressing this very point to the owners of that trailer – if only I knew who in the hell they were. Since I could not make head or tails of their name, it would be a blind shot. But I digress…
Back to the butt: Not only am I bothered by the question of how this trend came about, but I am even more bothered by the fact that it has caught on. There are so many bizarre factors about it: You are, obviously, encouraging people to stare at your fanny; you are causing some sort of subconscious association between whatever product/brand you are touting and your butt; you are sporting a message that is inevitably warped by the shape of your tush and becomes nearly illegible… This line of thinking leads naturally into the bigger question of "why do people feel the need to become human billboards?"
The entire concept is ridiculous. In the corporate world, a LOT of money is paid to get a name/logo/brand out into the world. How strange is it, then, that consumers are willing to actually pay their own money to promote a company/organization across their chest/on their butt/down their leg, etc.? A portion of the money that they pay for their shirt – which loudly proclaims the manufacturer’s name across their bust – will then go into advertising which targets that very same consumer, who will watch it and think "I should go buy a shirt at X company…" Preposterous.
Now statement shirts, on the other hand, have some merit when used properly. "Team Jen" or "Team Angelina" would not be what I would consider proper uses. As I see it, celebrities receive enough attention and/or publicity without the casual pedestrian or mall-shopper helping them out. Instead, I believe that a statement shirt should raise awareness – preferably in a humorous manner – or, failing that, make one laugh. Some of the best that I’ve seen: Without Me It’s Just Aweso; Mediocrity Thrives on Standardization; Suburbia: Where They Tear Out The Trees And Name Streets After Them; Ambivalent? Well, Yes And No…
The unfortunate side effect of these shirts, of course, is the fact that in order to read them you find yourself staring – often for some time – directly at someone’s bust. If this person is a male it is generally not as awkward as it is when it is a female, but it’s not really pleasant either way. I’m quite the fan of the messages written across the back of the t-shirt, for they allow one to do as much staring as one wants without the wearer’s observation, and even to talk and gesture about the person if one so desires.
One day, when I have the time and energy that it would take to do the topic justice, I will venture into the extensive and meaningful world of bumper stickers…. But not tonight.
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