Sugar And Spice

According to historical documentation, there is quite a discrepancy in the components that make up the male and female sexes. The simplest way to sum up these long-standing beliefs is:

Female elements: Sugar, Spice, and "Nice things."
Male elements: Snips, Snails, and "Puppy dog tails."

As a female, I have to admit that I’d very much like to accept this dogma without question. Unfortunately, as a person of at least moderate intelligence, I’m afraid that I have to give this at least some cursory thought before I can settle into my feeling of smug superiority. My reflections have caused me to identify key "trends" in my personality, which could – indeed – be a reflection of my inner sucrose/spice constitution.

Since I’ve been a young child, I’ve gravitated toward animals. These creatures have been varied in nature – ranging from tadpoles and toads to rabbits and ponies – but have all been adored by me. I’ve spent countless hours tending to them, playing with them, wanting more of them, and worrying about them. So strong is my affection for animals that I truly believed that I would be a veterinarian and – in fact – worked for many years in the veterinary field. (Until the cruel reality of the absurd amount of HUMAN interaction required to work in the veterinary field sucked much of the joy out of if… and I decided to put my education to a better use.) Affection for animals/Tendency to rescue them = Sugar/Spice/Nice Things.

The aforementioned line of reasoning works quite well, at least until I consider my favorite male companion’s propensity for creature cuddling. According to him, this is a trait that he, also, has possessed since his youth. Hmmm. Either he is lying, (a suggestion that he would take great offense to) or the male ingredient of "puppy dog tails" might actually indicate an ability to appreciate the animal kingdom. (It also proves scientifically that men are – as women have often claimed – part dogs. This is an entirely different topic that will not be addressed at this time.) I have indeed born witness to his current affection for animals – and their return affections – and cannot, therefore, easily dismiss his claims. I will have to concede the possibility of the following equation: Affection for animals = Puppy dog tails.

Along those lines, I will also have to disclose that I have seen, among the male of the species, an ability to act in a seemingly Sugar/Spice manner. This is, to say the least, disconcerting. It almost makes one question one’s own Sugar/Spice abilities. At least, it might make one question those abilities until one considers all of the fructose cards mailed to friends and family, or the glucose-ridden phone calls "just to catch up." When you factor in the carefully selected birthday and holiday gifts, and the hours of careful cleaning and decorating that precede any gatherings of loved ones, the spices practically leap out at you. I have yet to see any such behavior from the Snips/Snails team.

On the other hand, how does one explain the recently purchased bouquets of flowers from my FMC? It hardly seems Snip-like… If I give it more thought, I can think of at least ten examples from this past weekend alone of behavior that could be construed as saccharine. (In a marvelously good way, of course.) How can a being of solely Snips/Snails/Tails be so capable of Sugar/Spice/Nice? It almost calls everything that we’ve been taught into question.

Just as I begin to consider panic – perhaps my FMC is a female in (an exceptionally good) disguise – I heave a sigh of relief. Flooding back into my mind come a river of memories that prove Snip/Snail/Tail status without a doubt: The leap from around a corner (accompanied by a Kung Fu yell) with the sole intent of scaring me; the loud belch from another room, followed by a string of manly giggles; the surprise wrestling move which takes me off of my feet ("to teach me, so that I can defend myself"); the contents of pockets strewn about multiple surfaces. Perhaps I have found myself in the company of the evolved male companion. My Favorite Male Companion = Snips/Snails/Puppy Dog Tails/Just The Right Amount Of Sugar.