Right With The World

I can no longer deny that I am, in fact, an extraordinarily irritable person. At the very least, I have been an extraordinarily irritable person for the past month (okay….TWO months) and am showing no signs of becoming a non-irritable person anytime soon. I find this new personality that I’ve developed to be quite…irritating.

I honestly do not know what has happened to my Self. Things that used to please me - or at the very least not bother me -have begun to provoke sentiments ranging from mild anger to acute rage. In case you are not following, allow me to paint a picture of any given (recent) day’s activities:

6:00 am: Wake up. Think about how irritating it is that I have to go to work. Step over dog to go into bathroom. Consider how annoying it is that dog gets to stay home and sleep all day, but will have nerve to look upset when I leave. Would much rather stay home all day like dog. Dog should be more appreciative.

6:10 am: Start coffee brewing. Listen to Petula peep, feel irritated. Why can bird not stay quiet until I get her up? Does bird REALLY need to have IMMEDIATE attention? Bird knows that I will not be taking blanket off for at least five more minutes. Irritating.

6:12 am: Feed rabbits, take dog outside.

6:15 am: Order dog out of kitchen. Feed dog.

6:17 am: Get birds up. Feed birds. Water birds. Think about how spoiled birds are, and about how they feel that they need more attention. Feel annoyed. Petula peeps constantly while I pour coffee, arrange mirrors on table for “bird time.” Am angry at whiny bird. Yell at her, which is completely pointless as Petula believes this to be my form of peeping, and thinks I am joining her whining. Irritated by this inter-species miscommunication. (Note: Before the development of this irritable persona, I found bird’s undying affection ALMOST endearing. Also felt happy for dog that she was able to stay home all day, thought it was cute that birds were so excited to see me, etc. This is no longer the case. Now all is annoying.)

6:20 am – 7:20 am: Bird time. I read magazines, drink coffee, birds climb all over me and get pets. Oddly, do not feel so irritable during this period, likely because it involves reading and coffee.

7:20 am: Put birds in cage. Immediate whining erupts. Cover birds with blanket. Keats pleased, Petula furious.

7:21 – 7:30 am: Eat breakfast.

7:30 am: Begin to get ready for work. Dog IMMEDIATELY begins following me from room to room, looking mournful. Am annoyed. Order her out of rooms, she looks even more wounded.

7:50 am: Leave for work, feeling irritated because as I leave dog looks traumatized and birds are screaming. Ungrateful creatures.

8:00 am: Am at work. How irritating. Also irritated by bicyclists in my way on commute, by VERY annoying construction, and by day’s schedule.

8:05 am: Am hungry. Irritating.

8:16 – 11:30 am: Irritated and annoyed by wide variety of sources.

11:30 am – 12:30 pm: Somewhere in this range, take lunch break. If go home, feel irritated by screaming birds and dog with panting anxiety disorder. If do not go home, feel annoyed because I am “behind” on getting things done (taking dog out, various errands, etc.)

12:30 – 4:30 pm: Generally very sleepy at work, which is cause for quite a lot of irritation. Have usually received a number of annoying emails by now, and had numerous irritating projects come up.

4:30 pm: Depart office, find traffic that builds up at stop sign EXTREMELY irritating. Cannot understand complete lack of driving abilities that are demonstrated on a daily basis.

I shall spare you the details of the evening, but will assure you that there are plenty of causes for irritation in it. The person next to me in yoga class is inevitably annoying (this is NOT a yogic attitude on my part… shameful, really), the shower drain that does NOT drain is REALLY frustrating, the speed with which my evening passes is enough to spark my fuse. I can scarcely go out in public anymore, since I am so highly irritated by everyone that I come in contact with that I have begun to fear that I shall tell them exactly what it is about them that annoys me.

As you might imagine, the most irritating thing of all these days is my Self. I am not, I’m afraid, very good company, as my irritability extends to everything that I think or do. I barely have time to complete a conscious thought before my inner irritable persona is critiquing it. How annoying.

It is clear that something needs to change. Were it not such an irritating topic, I might even consider spending some time on it. As it is, I think I’ll just wait – annoyed – for the world to fix itself.