The Pursuit Of

Today, I read an article centered on a research experiment that utilized Facebook members as the subject. Researchers discovered that the Facebook members with high numbers of “friends” appeared to have narcissistic qualities. These tendencies were identified by the way that the users positioned and described themselves on the site, by the sorts of comments that they posted, and by the photos of themselves that they put on display.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

The most surprising part of this article was that it apparently required a research project for these scientists to reach this conclusion.

All around us, we are surrounded by people who find meaning in the quantity, rather than the quality, of their “friends.” These are humans whose entire “worth” is dependent upon the observations and admiration of others. Are they afraid that without these distorted reflections of themselves they will cease to exist? Or are they more afraid that they will exist – that they will finally have to confront the identity that they truly have, rather than the vision of the being that their friends believe them to be?

The reality is that no one being can truly ever know another. The “understanding” that I have of my friend X – the version of her that lives in my brain – is different than the “understanding” of her that a different friend will have. In that sense, she is two different people. Multiply that by the number of people that “know” her, and you add innumerable shades of being to the buried “real” her. In fact, her own mind – her own perception – likely prevents even her from knowing who – or what - she is.

Ironically, this culture is deep within an age of narcissism at a time when we have distanced ourselves further from the realities of life than ever before. People cannot – it seems – get enough of themselves. It is commonly believed that any behavior should be condoned if it brings “personal happiness” or “personal gratification.” “Judgment” is tossed about as an insult, as something to be avoided.

Isn’t the ability to judge – to discern what should be done from what is done – one of the human qualities that sets us apart from animals? If a dog steals food because it wants it, because it brings it happiness, and another dog starves as a result, do we blame the thief? No – because it is but a dog. It knows no better. Inherently, we know that we are different, that we cannot justify our behaviors in that manner, but we have been taught to be afraid to remind others of that fact.

I have no use for hundreds of “friends.” I have use for a close group of friends - true friends that I can rely on to “judge” what I do, to draw attention to my selfish tendencies, to help me grow into a better - not just happier - person. I want to be a person that measures life by the impact that I have on the world, and not by what I can get out of it.