Imagine that, one morning, you are engaged in your routing morning commute. The sun is shining, traffic is moving, and you are rapidly approaching your exit. Ever the conscious driver, you faithfully glance to your left and to your right every few moments, just in case the vehicles near you happen to be drifting into your lane. As you take a routine look to your right, your gaze is suddenly struck by a sight so unsettling that you nearly swerve into the next lane yourself. This near-loss of control is disturbing, but even more upsetting is the cause of the peril: The driver of the white four-door sedan.
Said driver is a woman. In most ways, she appears to have the stereotypical female features: long hair, delicate wristwatch, largish eyes, woman’s blouse, etc. There is one area – however – in which she differs from the normal woman. This particular female is sporting a beard.
I am sorry to say that this image was – in fact – a reality for me this very morning. Imagine my surprise when I spotted this undeniably unusual facial feature on an otherwise groomed fellow woman. Imagine also the risk that I posed when I was forced to avert my eyes from the road for extended periods of time in order to thoroughly study the situation.
The driver was not alone. She had a male companion with her, and he seemed very much at ease in her company. His arm was extended along the back of her seat, and he leaned in toward her a bit. She seemed to be ignoring him, for the most part, and was instead focused on the road before her. This was fortunate – for me – for two reasons: 1 – because it allowed me to study the profile of her face/beard quite well, and 2 – because it increased the odds that – should I veer slightly out of my lane (a distinct possibility when I was so rarely looking at it) she would be more likely to notice and alert and/or avoid me.
The beard itself was nothing flashy. I’ve seen more impressive specimens on 13-year-old boys. No, the accessory on its own held no value. In combination with the sex of its bearer, however, it became nearly wondrous. In terms of size, it was remarkable in one way: It was nearly a cube. I would estimate that it was one inch in every direction – both width and length. This made it – frankly – quite noticeable. It was difficult to determine the exact color, as the windows of the vehicle were ever-so-slightly tinted, but I would venture to guess that it was a medium ashy blond – perhaps a shade or two darker than the woman’s hair.
This entire experience brought on a number of questions. First and foremost, I could not help but wonder if her companion was her “significant other” and – if so – whether or not he found her facial hair attractive. This question has many layers, depending upon where you take it, and it’s best to not explore too much of it. Second, I debated her reasons for choosing to sport the thing. It would be simple enough to shave or wax it. Was she rebelling against society’s unfair and unrealistic expectations of women’s appearances? Was she hoping to become a man, and had she started taking hormones? If so, why was she not altering her attire or make-up?
Unfortunately, resolution was not destined to be mine in this case. It wasn’t long before I reached my exit and left this woman – and her beard – to continue with her life. The effect of what I had seen was, however, long-lasting. As the day passed, I found myself considering this unusual female and her motives for defying the pressures of a culture that – undeniably – dictates that women and facial hair do not mix.
Had I the ability to grow such a beard, I thought to myself, and the strength and desire to wear it about, I think that I would dye it different colors. It would be brilliantly easy, as it’s such a small area. Much like toe and fingernails, I could change it with the season or holidays. Ah yes… I thought, conjuring a picture in my mind, I can see it now… Bright red for the Christmas season, deep blue to celebrate the depth of January, soft yellow to welcome spring… The possibilities are without end.
I daresay, I am beginning to lament my lack of beard.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Still Trippin'
Perhaps you’ve thought that I would spare you the details of the remainder of my road trip? No such luck. On the contrary, I’ve decided to post the memories at random, so that they spring upon one without warning.
Road Trip, Day Two
Location: Rapid City, South Dakota
Perhaps one of the most amazing things about the Rapid City area is that it is one of the rarest of places: a tourist Mecca that actually offers attractions of value. J and I launched our day at the IHOP (you KNOW you’re on vacation when you find yourself at an IHOP.) I have been led to believe (by the promotional materials found in the hotel room) that there is a downtown Rapid City that is filled with interesting culture and independent restaurants, but I have yet to see physical evidence of this claim.
Our first stop: The Reptile Gardens. My suggestion: GO THERE. This is an amazing place, despite what one would instinctively believe. Because it turned out to be so much more interesting than anticipated, we ended up spending much more time there than intended. Unfortunate, as it meant that we ended up at stop number two (Bear Country, USA) a trifle later than we might have liked. As you might have guessed, we were not consumed by bears. We did quite enjoy the Bear Country experience, although there was a ridiculously long delay as we sat in a long line of vehicles. As it turns out, drivers become even more inept when dealing with bears in the road than they are when dealing with other cars on the road.
We finally reached Mount Rushmore around noon. Here we took full advantage of our tourist status. After a lengthy tour, we proceeded to the cafeteria where we paid ridiculous amounts of money for such tasty items as Rushmore Water (no doubt a bottle of Aquafina with the label ripped off and replaced with a hasty rendition of the national monument in question.)
Perhaps the most interesting thing about our morning was this oddity: At two separate attractions, we accepted the offers of individuals offering their photo-taking services. In both situations, the aforementioned parties failed to capture the very large, very noticeable, and very-much-the-point-of-standing-there attractions directly behind us. (The first such occasion was in front of Maniac, the HUGE crocodile at Reptile Gardens. The second was at Mount Rushmore. How that gentleman could possible think that we wanted a picture of the two of us WITHOUT the monument behind us is beyond comprehension…)
Wyoming:
In order to reach Colorado, we drove through a corner of Wyoming. Did you know that Wyoming is the least populated state in the country? I think that’s enough said…
Colorado:
Ah, Colorado…. I quite, quite like it. And I quite like the residents of our target destination, as well... We arrived at the home of Scott and Anita late that evening, and were very well received. It had been quite a few hours of driving (many of them nearly coma-inducing…Wyoming…) but the end was well worth it. As late as it was, our adventures would have to be put off until the next day. I could make up all sorts of things to add a little adventure to this blog, but – in the spirit of honesty – I’ll confess that we actually ended up going to sleep with very little ado. More on the Colorado adventures later…
Reptile Gardens: http://www.reptile-gardens.com/
Road Trip, Day Two
Location: Rapid City, South Dakota
Perhaps one of the most amazing things about the Rapid City area is that it is one of the rarest of places: a tourist Mecca that actually offers attractions of value. J and I launched our day at the IHOP (you KNOW you’re on vacation when you find yourself at an IHOP.) I have been led to believe (by the promotional materials found in the hotel room) that there is a downtown Rapid City that is filled with interesting culture and independent restaurants, but I have yet to see physical evidence of this claim.
Our first stop: The Reptile Gardens. My suggestion: GO THERE. This is an amazing place, despite what one would instinctively believe. Because it turned out to be so much more interesting than anticipated, we ended up spending much more time there than intended. Unfortunate, as it meant that we ended up at stop number two (Bear Country, USA) a trifle later than we might have liked. As you might have guessed, we were not consumed by bears. We did quite enjoy the Bear Country experience, although there was a ridiculously long delay as we sat in a long line of vehicles. As it turns out, drivers become even more inept when dealing with bears in the road than they are when dealing with other cars on the road.
We finally reached Mount Rushmore around noon. Here we took full advantage of our tourist status. After a lengthy tour, we proceeded to the cafeteria where we paid ridiculous amounts of money for such tasty items as Rushmore Water (no doubt a bottle of Aquafina with the label ripped off and replaced with a hasty rendition of the national monument in question.)
Perhaps the most interesting thing about our morning was this oddity: At two separate attractions, we accepted the offers of individuals offering their photo-taking services. In both situations, the aforementioned parties failed to capture the very large, very noticeable, and very-much-the-point-of-standing-there attractions directly behind us. (The first such occasion was in front of Maniac, the HUGE crocodile at Reptile Gardens. The second was at Mount Rushmore. How that gentleman could possible think that we wanted a picture of the two of us WITHOUT the monument behind us is beyond comprehension…)
Wyoming:
In order to reach Colorado, we drove through a corner of Wyoming. Did you know that Wyoming is the least populated state in the country? I think that’s enough said…
Colorado:
Ah, Colorado…. I quite, quite like it. And I quite like the residents of our target destination, as well... We arrived at the home of Scott and Anita late that evening, and were very well received. It had been quite a few hours of driving (many of them nearly coma-inducing…Wyoming…) but the end was well worth it. As late as it was, our adventures would have to be put off until the next day. I could make up all sorts of things to add a little adventure to this blog, but – in the spirit of honesty – I’ll confess that we actually ended up going to sleep with very little ado. More on the Colorado adventures later…
Reptile Gardens: http://www.reptile-gardens.com/
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
The Corner Of My Mind
I have found – to my dismay – that my memory is not the true ally that I once believed it to be. Instead of supporting me in the many ways in which it should, it fails me on a regular basis. As if that weren’t enough, it also taunts me by recalling perfectly the most unimportant and/or irrelevant information at the most inopportune moments. (A classic example: When asked what my phone number is, I might not be able to recall exactly what it is but can easily rattle off – say – Jon Bon Jovi’s birthdate.)
There are a couple of theories that I’ve tossed about in my mind in regards to this disturbing mental decline. The first – of course – is that age is the root of this trouble. Unfortunately, 30 isn’t the typical age for the onset of dementia or Alzheimer’s – the two most likely causes. A second possible cause is a serious illness. This is supported by other symptoms that have afflicted me from time to time (headaches, fatigue, muscle pains, etc…) Unfortunately (or VERY fortunately) it is not supported by any medical evidence. A third option: Stress. This one is difficult to rule out, so I shan’t. Finally, I have also considered that it’s possible that there is limited space in my mental memory cabinet, and that the type of work that I do/life that I lead exceeds the capacity. I need to upgrade, but I have yet to determine how to do so.
I am tormented by the decline of my facilities on a daily basis. Just this week, I began listening to a book on CD – something that I frequently do when traveling. This particular book had struck me as a bit familiar when I picked it out at the library, and I even paused to consider whether or not I had already heard it. Since I was uncertain, I checked it out. From the moment that I started listening, I knew that I had already heard this book. The worst part – however – is that I STILL can’t recall it. Every word that comes out of the narrator’s mouth is recognized (oh yes, my mind says… NOW I remember that…) but I am unable to predict even ONE sentence ahead. This is SUCH a disturbing feeling that I am forcing myself to re-listen to the entire book as punishment.
The bizarreness of this situation is the fact that my memory recalls certain material brilliantly. I can often recite conversations verbatim, and have never been the sort of person who struggles to connect names to faces. I can remember facts concerning the development of the Twinkie, but can’t remember the plots of 50% of the books that I’ve read. I might be able to tell you the names of every Labrador Retriever I’ve ever met, but wouldn’t be sure of what I did on any given birthday. This is – obviously – another one of Nature’s jokes.
As for what to do about this, I’m undecided. (This is code for “I can’t figure out what to do – or what can even be done, but am unwilling to concede this”.) I once had an idea about it – based on a book that I read – but the exact advice dispensed has slipped my mind. If only I could remember the name of that book…
There are a couple of theories that I’ve tossed about in my mind in regards to this disturbing mental decline. The first – of course – is that age is the root of this trouble. Unfortunately, 30 isn’t the typical age for the onset of dementia or Alzheimer’s – the two most likely causes. A second possible cause is a serious illness. This is supported by other symptoms that have afflicted me from time to time (headaches, fatigue, muscle pains, etc…) Unfortunately (or VERY fortunately) it is not supported by any medical evidence. A third option: Stress. This one is difficult to rule out, so I shan’t. Finally, I have also considered that it’s possible that there is limited space in my mental memory cabinet, and that the type of work that I do/life that I lead exceeds the capacity. I need to upgrade, but I have yet to determine how to do so.
I am tormented by the decline of my facilities on a daily basis. Just this week, I began listening to a book on CD – something that I frequently do when traveling. This particular book had struck me as a bit familiar when I picked it out at the library, and I even paused to consider whether or not I had already heard it. Since I was uncertain, I checked it out. From the moment that I started listening, I knew that I had already heard this book. The worst part – however – is that I STILL can’t recall it. Every word that comes out of the narrator’s mouth is recognized (oh yes, my mind says… NOW I remember that…) but I am unable to predict even ONE sentence ahead. This is SUCH a disturbing feeling that I am forcing myself to re-listen to the entire book as punishment.
The bizarreness of this situation is the fact that my memory recalls certain material brilliantly. I can often recite conversations verbatim, and have never been the sort of person who struggles to connect names to faces. I can remember facts concerning the development of the Twinkie, but can’t remember the plots of 50% of the books that I’ve read. I might be able to tell you the names of every Labrador Retriever I’ve ever met, but wouldn’t be sure of what I did on any given birthday. This is – obviously – another one of Nature’s jokes.
As for what to do about this, I’m undecided. (This is code for “I can’t figure out what to do – or what can even be done, but am unwilling to concede this”.) I once had an idea about it – based on a book that I read – but the exact advice dispensed has slipped my mind. If only I could remember the name of that book…
Monday, July 16, 2007
Mid-Year Resolutions
1. I WILL become a more disciplined writer. Clearly, I suck at this. My blog attests to this fact. Tactic: I will – temporarily – become more lenient in my definitions of “writing.” This, for example, will count as a legitimate blog posting.
2. I will begin legitimately preparing for business meetings. “Winging it” will become the exception rather than the modus operandi. Hmmm. Now that I consider it, however, the “winging it” approach has had no dire consequences. On the contrary, others seem rather pleased with the outcome of business meetings. It might be that my mind was temporarily fooled by the “standard business practice” of pre-meeting preparation. Ha! That was a close one. Strike this resolution from the record. I will NOT be any more prepared for meetings.
3. I will accept that – at this point – I have not the skills nor the knowledge required in order to defeat my greatest foe: Time. Until I possess the aforementioned requisites, I will acknowledge the limitations that the current situation presents. As a result:
a. I will not be angry with myself if I am not able to give each and every pet an equal amount of “one-on-one” time on a daily basis.
b. The apartment does not NEED to be spotless at all times. I will learn to accept this. Yes, I will. I most certainly will so. STOP disagreeing. I am NOT compulsive.
c. I cannot expect to find the time to read a new book every week. Sure, I used to read at least a book a day – when I was in high school. (Or perhaps I was not so much in school… I didn’t exactly attend much of high school… but that’s a different story.) As an adult – with a full time job and pets and hobbies – I simply cannot read as much as I used to. Sigh.
4. It is NOT necessary to have a cupcake every single day. Not only is it not necessary, it is probably not a good idea. At least, I don’t think that it’s a good idea. Unless you factor in the mental health benefits… No, it is definitely not necessary. If, however, it is a “special day” – like a birthday, or the first day of the week, or a Wednesday, or perhaps a day that you have to buy gas, or maybe a workday – then a cupcake is a legitimate need.
5. When I am very tired (like now) I will learn to prioritize rest. To illustrate the strength of my resolve, I will immediately cease typing this blog and take myself off to bed. (After a quick vacuum, and perhaps a cupcake. Oh – and Petula’s been a little short on petting today, so I’ll have to swing by her cage for a moment…)
Monday, July 09, 2007
Trippin'
There has been – over the last week – a noticeable lack of posting to this blog. This was, I assure you, intentional. The Significant Other (SO) and I took an eight-day road trip looping through a number of states. In order to really feel as if we were “getting away,” we imposed a number of restrictions upon ourselves. One of these was “no computers.” When one combines that restriction with the fast-pace of the trip itself, one realizes very quickly that no blog-posting will be taking place.
On the plus side, the vacation has provided enough though-provoking experiences to feed a number of interesting postings, which you will undoubtedly be subjected to for some time.
J – my SO – had never been on a true “road trip” prior to this past week. When I revealed this fact (with no small amount of relish) to friends, I encountered many expressions of concern – even some preliminary condolences on the certain demise of our relationship. I can now say – with my feet safely planted in Madison – that this was not the case. As it turns out, J and I are quite compatible travel companions. This is good, as we traveled through seven states in eight days – an unusually bad idea in the eyes of many people.
While I won’t get into the entirety of the trip in this posting, (why ruin it when I can drag it on…and on… and on… in multiple postings) I’ll recap our first day – which entailed a mere 12 hours of driving.
Hour One: Wisconsin
Wisconsin was nothing new to neither J nor me, and was – therefore – not exactly exciting. We stopped at Starbucks, where we got into an unfortunately long discussion about the merits of the organic apple juice boxes. (As it turns out, the manager was resistant to stocking this particular item for some time. The cashier cannot imagine what her problem was, and now that they’re stocked they are one of the best selling items.)
Hours Two – Fourish: Minnesota
A lovely state, certainly, but it’s no Wisconsin. Their most attractive areas lie along the Wisconsin/Minnesota border. Unfortunately, that’s the area that we left behind early in the day.
Hours Five – Twelve: South Dakota
Every time I drive through this state, I am struck by the absurdity of the unbelievable length of time that one can drive through corn fields. (More on this later…. Watch for upcoming postings.) In my opinion, the universe took all of the “coolness” allocated to this state and piled it into the Southwest corner. The rest of South Dakota has been – obviously – shafted. Miles and miles of nothing…. And nothing…. And nothing… (Fairly traumatic for J, although he did have Day 1 Of Vacation Energy going for him.)
To J’s credit, in the interest of time he did opt to make a major sacrifice by not insisting upon visiting the “real General Lee” (the car from the Dukes of Hazard.) To make up for this, and to create a true “South Dakota” experience, we visited the Corn Palace in Mitchell. (Again with the corn…) Anyone who has not seen this particular building MUST stop by. The torture should not be limited to a select few. To tide you over - while you make your travel plans – I’m including a link to the website: http://www.cornpalace.org/
In actuality, there is something impressive about the perseverance of this iconic site. This year’s theme – in case you haven’t had a chance to look it up yet – is “Rodeo 2007.” Also to note: There is a LOT of ice cream available for purchase in Mitchell, South Dakota.
After Mitchell, the only exciting stop available to us (other than the truly impressive Badlands) was the world-famous Wall Drug. Wow. What a nightmare-inducing experience. I have never seen such an explosion of tourism in such and undeserving location. When one considers the absurdity of their success, it actually induces a bit of appreciation. (Note: Once again, the ice cream abounds.) See photos if you would really like the tourism point driven home.
Final destination: Rapid City, South Dakota. To summarize: Dirty hotel. I think I lost my jacket there. Or perhaps at the IHOP, one of the few acceptable restaurants available (and this coming from a staunch support of “local businesses”) and the location of both our dinner and our breakfast the subsequent day. Sigh. I really like that jacket.
On the plus side, the vacation has provided enough though-provoking experiences to feed a number of interesting postings, which you will undoubtedly be subjected to for some time.
J – my SO – had never been on a true “road trip” prior to this past week. When I revealed this fact (with no small amount of relish) to friends, I encountered many expressions of concern – even some preliminary condolences on the certain demise of our relationship. I can now say – with my feet safely planted in Madison – that this was not the case. As it turns out, J and I are quite compatible travel companions. This is good, as we traveled through seven states in eight days – an unusually bad idea in the eyes of many people.
While I won’t get into the entirety of the trip in this posting, (why ruin it when I can drag it on…and on… and on… in multiple postings) I’ll recap our first day – which entailed a mere 12 hours of driving.
Hour One: Wisconsin
Wisconsin was nothing new to neither J nor me, and was – therefore – not exactly exciting. We stopped at Starbucks, where we got into an unfortunately long discussion about the merits of the organic apple juice boxes. (As it turns out, the manager was resistant to stocking this particular item for some time. The cashier cannot imagine what her problem was, and now that they’re stocked they are one of the best selling items.)
Hours Two – Fourish: Minnesota
A lovely state, certainly, but it’s no Wisconsin. Their most attractive areas lie along the Wisconsin/Minnesota border. Unfortunately, that’s the area that we left behind early in the day.
Hours Five – Twelve: South Dakota
Every time I drive through this state, I am struck by the absurdity of the unbelievable length of time that one can drive through corn fields. (More on this later…. Watch for upcoming postings.) In my opinion, the universe took all of the “coolness” allocated to this state and piled it into the Southwest corner. The rest of South Dakota has been – obviously – shafted. Miles and miles of nothing…. And nothing…. And nothing… (Fairly traumatic for J, although he did have Day 1 Of Vacation Energy going for him.)
To J’s credit, in the interest of time he did opt to make a major sacrifice by not insisting upon visiting the “real General Lee” (the car from the Dukes of Hazard.) To make up for this, and to create a true “South Dakota” experience, we visited the Corn Palace in Mitchell. (Again with the corn…) Anyone who has not seen this particular building MUST stop by. The torture should not be limited to a select few. To tide you over - while you make your travel plans – I’m including a link to the website: http://www.cornpalace.org/
In actuality, there is something impressive about the perseverance of this iconic site. This year’s theme – in case you haven’t had a chance to look it up yet – is “Rodeo 2007.” Also to note: There is a LOT of ice cream available for purchase in Mitchell, South Dakota.
After Mitchell, the only exciting stop available to us (other than the truly impressive Badlands) was the world-famous Wall Drug. Wow. What a nightmare-inducing experience. I have never seen such an explosion of tourism in such and undeserving location. When one considers the absurdity of their success, it actually induces a bit of appreciation. (Note: Once again, the ice cream abounds.) See photos if you would really like the tourism point driven home.
Final destination: Rapid City, South Dakota. To summarize: Dirty hotel. I think I lost my jacket there. Or perhaps at the IHOP, one of the few acceptable restaurants available (and this coming from a staunch support of “local businesses”) and the location of both our dinner and our breakfast the subsequent day. Sigh. I really like that jacket.
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